Simon Rushworth
So Iron Maiden are launching a boutique hotel aimed at rockers looking for a good night in and fans keen to pay over the odds to share a lobby with the stars.
On the face of it the £6.5m London-based project – called Sanctum Soho – is a marriage made in commercial heaven. The biggest names in rock and metal have always loved a classy place to kick back with a 24-hour bar.
And the chance to share the breakfast buffet with Bruce Dickinson, Steven Tyler and Axl Rose will ensure the high end £250 Purple Haze rooms never lie vacant as Joe Public takes a punt on spotting the rich and famous.
But the news that Maiden’s new venture will frown upon guests throwing TVs from the windows, driving motorcycles down the corridor and leaving a trail of disaster from check-in to chuck out is sad to say the least.
Because here at rushonrock we’d expect the following as a bare minimum when staying at an establishment pushing the debauched name of rock:
• Room service offering two-for-one groupie deals, ‘buy some drugs – get high free’ offers and an ‘as much as you can drink’ beer buffet.
• A dinner menu boasting fresh drum rolls, bangers and mosh, Fish, hair metal cheese and house specials Chicken Cooper Bleu, Bat A La Osbourne and Tigertailz.
• Access All Areas robes.
• Health suite boasting crowd surfing classes, head banging massage and swimming (in your own vomit).
• Totally Wired Internet Access.
• Dirty Laundry Service run by genuine tabloid hacks.
• Recycling point sponsored by Kiss.
• Rooms boasting rocking chairs, power chord showers, a heavy metal finish and shaped vinyl floors.
• Full Maid-en service.
With just 30 rooms Eddie fans hoping to stay in suite 666 will be sorely disappointed and there will be no room to land a helicopter – let alone one of Dickinson’s passenger jets.
But every customer will surely be provided with a copy of Kerrang! on arrival and Planet Rock will be streamed across the lobby and into every room.
The guest list will, of course, be finalized by management and photo passes will only be available on a first come, first served basis.
Security will be tighter than David Coverdale’s pants as staff seek to enforce the ‘no wild partying’ rule but will they succeed?
We have our reservations. Literally.