Simon Rushworth
Everybody loves a bargain but if you’re a devotee of rock tees then finding value for money is like finding a Tom Jones fan at a Testament gig.
With prices so high you suffer an attack of vertigo, and less quality than a new Kiss album (ok, prove me wrong later this year), it’s nigh impossible to dress for less if you like your music loud and proud.
Over the years – in fact even during the last year – I’ve spent more money on shoddy tees than decent teas. I’ve gone hungry at gigs for the sake of a cheap and cheerless tour shirt and my appetite for financial destruction shows no bounds.
Only last month I would have wasted another 20-odd quid on a long-sleeved AC/DC top and nearly did. Luckily – in retrospect – I managed to squeeze my sweaty moobs out of the extra small shirt before the bloke behind the table demanded his wedge. But I was fully prepared to shoehorn myself into an ill-fitting rag at a considerable cost to my wallet and my ears simply because it boasted a classic band logo and a retro look.
Oh yes, the retro look. I love the old style tees so much more than the jet black shirts with tour dates sprayed across the reverse. So here’s a tip merch man. If you see me coming and you don’t sell retro gear then grab the nearest tee, screw it up, stamp on it, rub off part of the print and add an extra fiver to the original cost. I’ll buy it. Guaren-tee-d.
I just love the label ‘distressed look’ and yet the only distressed look I get every time is when Mrs Rock sees me wearing something which looks like it’s been left on a Sunset Strip sidewalk for several months. You see she loves a bargain even more than me. And she knows there’s never a snip when it comes to wearing your rock colours on your sleeves.
Or so I thought. Only yesterday I stepped into a well-known (and incredibly cheap) high street store to score some Star Wars tees for the under fives. But sandwiched in between C3PO, Darth Vader and Yoda were Gene, Paul and the gang. Looking like extras from the Cantina Band scene (ok, I’m getting just a little bit sci-fi here) they don’t look dissimilar to a slew of George Lucas’s aliens but this was a bona fide Kiss tee in red for four-year-old rockers.
And that got me thinking. I headed to the bigger kids section and there it was. A black Kiss shirt aged 14-plus. At £7.99. £7.99! Better than that it was made for Meat Loaf or the various members of late 80s rockers Mammoth when they turned 14. Bigger than a one-man tent – and undoubtedly bigger than the AC/DC tee – I snapped it up and slapped it on.
At last. A bona fide rock bargain. I haven’t had one of them since I sourced Gun’s first album for a pound in a seedy CD shop in Huddersfield. Ok, so 30-something blokes aren’t meant to wear teenagers’ tees and it’s fair to say it does the old love handles very few favours. But at that price who cares? Cover up the embarrassing bits with an old leather jacket and there you have it – the recession busting rock outfit to die for. Or die in. Depending on long you can hold your breath.